Sitting at a McDonalds, tired. Not that late though. Feeling dizzy. My head spins. Feels like being slightly stoned. Even though I am not. Might be the tiredness of this stressful day. Drinking Poison to stay awake (Coca Cola). Should rather drink Coffee but that doesn’t come with a refill.
Things are getting better. I am forced to be on the road again after basicly two weeks of lazyness in my friends house. He and his girlfriend have both been gone for two weeks and all I basicly did was using his home Entertainment Sytem to the Max. Yes, it is AWESOME to have a projector to play your little war games on. Which in my case was Empire Total war in lack of any other Steam supported games. Still a gigantic waste of time.
I promised him to paint his guest room, which I more or less did. It is finished now. Even though he helped me with the last parts.
So in the grand scheme of things I guess it is a blessing that me and his girlfriend don’t get along very well. Forces me to get out of this stupid comfort zone again. After all I came here to visit places, make friends and find my real purpose in life. Not knowing where to go I asked Daniel to hook me up with his friend who lives in the Bahamas. I ended up booking a 60$ flight over there on Saturday. So I still have another week in Florida, still having my friends car and being forced out of the house because of his girlfriend. This means I know have to find my little distractions somewhere else. Good. I started getting a bit depressed again for not living up to my own expectations and sinking into the comfort zone again.
I know most people, including myself, only tend to talk about the good parts of such travels. Writing about the sleepless hours, the tears cried and how I desperatly crave for a meaning, for a real purpose in life is not funny at all. Still it is essential. Dr Pepper is so much better than Coca Cola. Off goes the distraction machine. The Flight from all the bad feelings, the hope that the grass will be greener on the other side. Not having to face sadness and doubts. Not having a guilty conscience for being “lazy” or playing games for 2 weeks. It is not really about the work and I begin to notice that. I begin to notice that I cannot really run anymore, that apart from the weather the grass is not really greener across the ocean and neither will it be in the Bahamas. I have a small project waiting for me over there however and it might prove funny enough and leave some room for exploration across the carribean islands. I totally wish Stuttgart would have worked for me. Working with Julia and Herrmann made me happy in a way. It was something that made sense, not just working for works sake.
I feel I should really find a place to sleep now. Probably will drive over to Daytona and find a place at the beach.