I finally made my way to Orlando Airport only to find that it can actually get worse. Getting lost in the middle of nowhere and getting picked up by police doesn’t feel so bad now after all. I am tired, and at a busy airport. Not really fun. Sure I can probably sleep here without much of a problem. My mind wont let me though. I am so pissed and frustrated at the world right now for just being restrictive for no reason whatsoever. Appereantly I need a return ticket from the Bahamas, so they won’t let me fly in there without one. And being the cheapskate that I am, I want it refundable. Hell I don’t even know when I want to leave the country, nor do I know how.
Yes, it is possible to book one, but they won’t let me do it without credit card, claiming that they cannot pay it back in USD in the Bahamas. So what? The Bahamian Dollar is basicly a USD with a british queen on it. But no, chicanery. Beginning to think that this is all just made to keep people from moving around. Damn I even understand that they are afraid that people could flood their little country. No. My fault for being a cheapskate. Makes life extremely difficult at times. I just don’t “know my place” and prefer to move around, get to know and learn more about this world. My bad.
Yes, I know, I was talking about how it is unfair to call people “robots” and mindless drones. But appearantly this is exactly what governments want us to be. How dare you travel around without flying back to the place you were born in. The exact same reason why Jesus was born in a shed.
It is time for humankind to grow beyond this stupidity. How are we supposed to grow spiritually when we are still hindered, when there is still a large scale effort to keep people locked in their homezone?
It not just only makes me angry, it also makes me sad and doubtful at the same time. Feeling alone, doubting all the decisions I made so far. Should I even fly to the Bahamas? Should I just cancel it all and fly back to Germany? It doesn’t really make it better that pretty much everyone envies me. I basicly envy you! For being happy in what I consider a cage, in what societe, governments, monetary systems and whatever forces me to be. I don’t fit in there. My life is insanely difficult because of that.
Is traveling fun? Yes. Do I get to know a lot of people? Hell Yes. Does it make me smarter? Sure. It helps me understand different views, see different cultures and viewpoints. I reconsider. Even change my own views constantly. Doubts are my travel companion. Does it get depressing and frustrating at times? Yes!
If only I could believe that everything will turn for the better, that I don’t have to constantly be on the run to make it happen. If only I could really be sure that my future will turn out fine. That everything is okay the way it is. Some meditation would probably help. Just be in the moment.
If only it was true what Daniel said. We had a small discussion on achievements. That our Generation knows perfectly well that we cannot possibly outmatch our parents in traditional terms of success. We are searching for different forms of success and it is internally. He told me that this has happened before, those were the times when humanity made a major development in philosophy, in spiritual development. Yes, I see. Fits perfectly with Wilber’s integral and how I see the world evolving slowly from ethnocentric to global. (Too slow for my part, it makes me angry…) But then it is the anger and frustration in people like me that fuels the strive for a better world.
And now I wonder whether Aristotle or Kant were ever this frustrated and angry at the world for being such a close minded shithole. A shithole with a lot of potential. But also with the potential of being an even bigger shithole.
What can I do, to fuel the change for a global conscious world and not get frustrated? What can I do to accept and still change for the better?
Talking to Julia, my former Employer. Always a good chat and always has a perspective for me to look at. A great mentor. It boils down to fear. Humans are afraid of each other. Someone taking their jobs, destroying their cultural heritage or something they deeply care about. This is why those rules are in place. For me, a free spirit, they are inhibiting chicanery. For me those rules are merely making things more difficult than they have to be. She said that this is a good indicator of peoples current stage of development and I should see them as such. From a more neutral standpoint. In retrospect it triggers my own fear of being trapped in pain. Having to do things I don’t like, I don’t need.
This is what I sometimes miss the most. A good talk, a fresh perspective on things. Global networking is a blessing.